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Review #3244521
Viewing a review of:
 The Overburdened Horse  [E]
This is about an old cowboy who comes across a boy and agrees to share a secret with him.
by Erds
Rated: E | (2.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
This seems to be a great start to a short story. I like your opening paragraph and all of the description you put in it. You've painted a great mental picture to the scene and even to the cowboy. I would love to see you improve upon some of the dialogue. It seems awkward in some places, although it might make more sense as the story develops.

Make sure to watch your punctuation and spacing. You've indented quite a few lines and some of them do not match the others. This is more aesthetic than anything.

Please let me know if you add more to this. I would love to continue reading the story. :)
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/20/2010 @ 6:10pm EST
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3244521