%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #3606188 |
 | Invalid Item  [] |
| (4.5)| This is a M2M review from Itchy Water.  This review is intended to be a positive critique of your work. You may respectfully accept or reject any or all of the advice provided.  I have to first mention the title. "My Grandmother's Vanity" is a genius title for this poem. I love the double meaning. I was drawn to the poem because of the title. I thought it referred solely to the vainess of the grandmother. However, as I dove into the poem, I found it meant much more than that. It is a "kidney-shaped vanity" but still, symbolic of a person's internal vainess. This had me hooked.  The imagery is remarkable. I love the verse "this town of enticing beads/ draped over amber-colored scents." You do a fantastic job of showing and not telling. I can see a mix of various necklaces laid out and dangling over perfume bottles which fill the room with amber scents.  "Where being feminine/was a right of passage" This verse does not make sense in the way it is worded. A rite of passage is an event that marks a person's progress from one status to another. "Being feminine" is not an event; however, 'becoming feminine' could be an event, especially in the context of this poem.  There is something missing from the beginning part of the poem. I say that because it is not until the 7th stanza that you mention "temporary reprieve" and "abused young life". This threw me off. I had no idea the girl behind the vanity was an abused girl. Then in the 10th stanza, "a frightened child" is mentioned but there is nothing in the poem to indicate that the child is frightened, in fact she is having a good time. I would suggest adding a verse in the beginning of the poem to let the reader know that the girl is an abused girl, having fun away from her abuser.  There are a few spots where I noted a switch in POV. I'm not sure if you did it purposefully or not. The poem is written in 1st person except in these verses:"a little girl’s hidden desire" "of a frightened child/who thought it would be"  I thought this was a pretty neat poem. It is very unique. I don't see poems written this way. You have a knack for free style poetry. I thought the imagery was very, very good. There were a few things that I commented on, no big deal. Thanks for letting me read this.I truly enjoyed reading your poem. I hope my comments and suggestions are helpful. Each suggestion is provided in the spirit of encouragement. May you decide what is best for your work.    
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 10/18/2011 @ 5:38pm EDT