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 Review #3728652 |
 | If words were wepons  [13+] the message life would we used words to retaliate.  |
| (3.0)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Title: If words were wepons Author: Hank j Santiago Type: Poem  First Impression:Sadly, one of the reasons that there are wars is because we use words as weapons. Instead of using them as to reach common ground, nations use them to posture and to attempt to threaten. It would be good if we could wield our words wisely and with understanding. It would also be good to check our egos, and see the other side's point of view. However too often, it is easier to send young men to war to fight for suspect ideals. Such is life, and some things just don't change. While I understand the essence of your message, an exact interpretation is somewhat difficult. I think the poem, which has a solid message, could use a good edit, to smooth out spelling and punctuation issues.  Suggestions: Line One:If words were weapons would their be war between country's You need, “would there be war” as it is referring to a place, albeit an abstract one. Also, you want the word “countries” at the end - you're not trying to indicate the possessive but use the plural form of "country". Line Eight:like bullets that have been welded overnight to destroy Do you mean, “wielded”? Line Nine:what ever life still exist in the worlds mist could they I think you need “whatever” (one word), and “world’s” (the possessive form, with the apostrophe). I would probably put a comma after, “mist.” Line Ten:would they shower us in pain or sorrows mist. The line before ended with, “could they”. I don’t know if using “would they” is the best choice to begin the very next line. Line Eleven:If words were weapons is love the message that we I’d put a comma after “weapons.” Line Twelve:hear our will the words pierce our hearts and open Maybe a comma after, “hear”? Also do you mean, “or” instead of the first, “our”? Line Fourteen:coals before they become ashed white . Maybe you mean “ash” or “ashen”? Line Fifteen:If words were wepons would the death rise over our “weapons”. Line Seventeen:this possibly be the stae of our fate breaking our “state”? That is merely a guess, but maybe that is the word you meant.  Final Thoughts:As you can see, it’s merely carelessness that is the issue here. If you use spellcheck and give the item a dedicated read, you’d capture 90% of the issues here. The issues do hurt the poem, which has a serious message and deserves to be read with the honesty that you put into it. Fixing those issues will allow readers to take it seriously and to be more amenable to you as a writer, and I think that is something we all strive for, to be taken seriously. I agree with you, we need to understand the power of words, use them wisely and in many instances allow them to dictate our actions and not weapons. We’ve seen wear guns and bombs lead us, it is about time we try diplomacy. Sadly in this modern environment, being diplomatic is often seen as being weak. How can we ever change with attitudes like that. It has to begin with us, the people, and your poem is a step in the right direction.  
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