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Review #3745676
Viewing a review of:
A Gift at the Door  [13+]
Friendship knocks when you least expect it.
by Winnie Kay
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Hi, Winnie Kay I found out your name on the "Showering Acts of Joy Porch"  and that it's your anniversary in August

so I looked up one of your stories "A Gift at the Door"  *Reading* and I offer the following comments: *Reading*

*UmbrellaV* Overall Impression:
I thought this was a satisfying short story with a simple theme about the life changing impact that friendship can have. Winnie's normal life is well drawn. Apart from her dog, her only other relationship is with her television. Looking from the inside Winnie cannot see that what she has settled for might be 'safe' but is far from fulfilling. Winnie's own lack of 'personal grooming' is only made apparent to her when Jean knocks on her door. I liked this contrast and the way Winnie's sudden realisation about her appearance is told.

*UmbrellaV* Writing Style:
The writing style reminds me of a swan, all ease and grace above water but paddling like the devil underneath. It takes effort to produce a style that looks effortless. I immediateky felt 'at home' with Winnie's character and understood that the long, tiring hours she worked made it easy for her to 'opt out' and choose solitude, rather than a personal life of her own. Although there is one (perhaps incongruous) mention of a boyfriend. The character of Jean, apart from her outward appearance, is less well drawn until she asks Winnie if there is any beer. This is the pivotal moment when Winnie relaxes and the friendship between the two is born. I liked that part very much.
I thought the story was well paced, slow at first and then quickened when the dialogue begins. I was not jolted from the story at any point as it flowed nicely along.

*UmbrellaV* Writing Craft:
*BulletV* I was content to come home, feed the dogs,
This is the only part of the story that mentions Winnie's dogs in the plural. If there is more than one, perhaps it should be mentioned elsewhere in the story. Or else, for the sake of consistency, it maybe should read dog, singular, here.

*BulletV*Lulu wagged her stump of a tail and smiled at her owner and Jean laughed.
I'm not sure that dogs do smile, although I did smile when I read this part. I thought their expressions were all in their eyes. My German Shepherd's eyes were the mirror of his soul to me.

*BulletV*I really looked, but could find no out-of-place punctuation.

*UmbrellaV* I Liked:
*BulletV*the part about Winnie's irritation at being interrupted when her favourite television show is starting. (I remember Cagney and Lacy; it was a great programme!)
*BulletV*The last paragraph, showing how different, and enjoyabke, a person's life can become when it includes friends.

My opinions may not coincide with yours and that is fine, please feel free to ignore any suggestions you don't want. We are all of us on a learning curve and only you can decide what is best for your story.

Regards
sandybays

*RainbowL* Write On!! *RainbowR*

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/14/2012 @ 7:00am EDT
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