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SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E) A group whose mission is to spread positivity. #1384154 by Simply Positive

Hello Meg

I love your choice of subject matter for this. You choose words of warning to a moth as a way to express universal human truth - people are often attracted to the greener grass of the other side (looking at what we haven't got rather than what we have) but don't see the perils and pitfalls that may make them worse off if they actually get to that other side. Very thought provoking.

I love how the poem's narrator addresses the moth so directly and personally.

The poem flows well over all and you make good use of rhyme.

I have some small suggestions. Of course it's up to you if you agree with them or choose to use them:

1) In the last line of your first stanza I think 'leave' should be 'leaves' as it connects with 'place' in line two (places... leave us no option, a place... leaves us no option).

2) In the same line (line 4) I think 'victim to our foes' would work better as 'victim of our foes' as 'victim of' is more commonly used.

3) In the first line of your last stanza you write, 'but so are they, too,'. One or the other of 'so' and 'too' is totally redundant here in my opinion as they are saying the same thing. In order to keep the rhyme I think the easiest remedy would be to change to 'but they are too,'.

Hope that helps. Thanks for a great read.

Best wishes,
Mark


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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .