Hello Hiroshi,

I found your story "Wedding"  on the read a newbie tab and thought it was a very enjoyable read.

I don't pretend to be an English major or an expert in grammar. I am simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work. I hope you find this feedback useful

Overall Impression:
I thought your story was easy to read and follow. For me personally it rekindled memories of my own father. I could relate very well with this young girl who matured into a young woman preparing to marry. It is difficult to completely write a parent off, but at the same time she could not tolerate his feigned love. In the end, much like my father, his lifestyle caught up with him and this young woman would not have to be subject to her fathers callousness, nor subject her future children to it.

Grammar and Mechanics:
You are missing an "e" and a comma on the end of the word fiance. I saw no other problems with your writing mechanics or grammar

Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is to keep putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) You are very talented and I look forward to reading/reviewing more of your work.

I also see you are new to WDC and want to welcome you

Thank you for sharing your story.

I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you

Rozebud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .