Hello pfryan,

I found your story "Invalid Item"  on the "review a newbie" link and thought it was a powerful story of coping with your Dad's loss.

I don't pretend to be an English major or an expert in grammar. You don't have to agree with anything I am saying, I'm simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work. I hope you find this feedback useful

Overall Impression:
I thought your story was well written, articulated well, and was thoughtfully written. I can appreciate what you have been through as I lost my Dad 12 years ago at the young age of 58. I am happy to see that through counseling and mentoring, you have been able to take your gift of writing and use it in a theraputic and postive way.

Grammar and Mechanics:
...and nothing we could do to help any more.
This seemed to be missing something here. I would add a few words
...knowing there was nothing we could do to help any more.

I saw no problems with your writing mechanics or grammar

Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is to keep putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) You are very talented and I look forward to reading/reviewing more of your work. Thank you for sharing your story and I hope you do well in the contest you entered.

I also see you are new to WDC and want to welcome you

I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you

Rozebud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .