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Review #4036980
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Review of  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: | (4.5)
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*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello, Dan I Am . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to WDC today with a quick review. My inbox is open if you need any help navigating the site. Keep in mind that the following is just the opinion of one reader. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it! If not, feel free to disregard it completely. *Peace2*



*Mushroomo* First Impressions *Mushroomo*

I liked your title for the story. When I saw it, I wanted to read more and find out what Joey's surprise was. From the description, I thought he might have a run in with an alien. It was definitely a surprise!


*Mushroomg* Subject Matter *Mushroomg*

We meet our main character, Joey, who is being approached by someone that just stepped out of a flying saucer. He sees that it's his dead teacher, but there's no way it could be him, right? Unless of course, he completes some sort of task thereby proving he is in fact Joey's 7th grade English teacher. *Laugh*


*Mushroomb* Things That Worked *Mushroomb*

I loved the end of this. It was funny and witty. It's impressive that you were able to build a full story with so few words. I was definitely impressed by the fact that we got a beginning, middle, and end only fifty-five words or however many it was.


*Mushroomv* Suggestions *Mushroomv*

In the first sentence, "saucer slid open and a being" didn't read well to me. I had to go back and reread it because I thought I had something wrong at first. It's the "and a being" part that threw me off the most. I would describe it as "a figure" or "a shadow". It just reads more clearly that way in my head.


*Mushroomp* Final Thoughts *Mushroomp*

I enjoyed reading your story and I'm impressed by what you did with so few words. Thanks again for sharing with us!




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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/09/2014 @ 4:36pm EDT
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