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Review #4042127
Viewing a review of:
 Killer Pet  [13+]
Addiction from the drug's point of view.
by flashramey
Review of Killer Pet  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hello, flashramey . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely. *Peace2*

*Jackolantern* Title, Hook, and Formatting: Hey, Flash! I'm already back for another review. I keep running into your poetry on the "Read a Newbie" page and I just had to give some feedback on this one after reading it. *Bigsmile*

I love the title for this one. I can't think of a better way to describe addiction. I can relate to the subject matter of this poem, so I read it with a knowing eye and found myself nodding my head throughout it. I think the biggest hook for me was, "You let me bite a little and it didn't seem too bad". That's when I felt the poem pick up and it had my attention from there on out.

*Jackolantern* Best Bits: I like that the killer bet is described in bites, a little one at first that isn't so bad, followed by increasingly painful or violent bites. I think addiction is quite like having something suck its fangs into you and can look back and remember better times with the drug when its need wasn't so overpowering.

I think you did a good job with imagery in this one and really helped the poetry come to life. I think that people who don't have personal experience with addiction will still be able to relate to the feeling of it taking control of a life and sucking out everything positive.

My favorite lines were:

You see I am a killer pet who never will be tame
And when I'm forced to leave you
You will cry and call my name

*Jackolantern* Possible Suggestions: My biggest suggestion for the poem is to add punctuation. I think it will make it so much easier for the reader to follow the flow if there is punctuation included. Like my favorite part above, I had to think about the correct flow as I was reading. But if you rewrite it with punctuation, the reader will know exactly when to pause or put an inflection on a word.

You see, I am a killer pet who never will be tame.
And when I'm forced to leave you,
you will cry and call my name.

Although in that specific part, the double "you"s throw me off a little. I'd really just take the first 'you' out because we already know at this point that we're getting the drug's perspective and they're speaking directly to the user. And when I'm forced to leave, you will cry and call my name might flow a little better. Just a thought!

*Jackolantern* Summary: This was an enjoyable read and I love that you wrote it from the point-of-view of the drug. It's definitely different than the typical addiction poem. Thanks again for sharing with us!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/25/2014 @ 4:42am EDT
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