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Review #4046294
Viewing a review of:
 The Feeling Of You  [E]
relationship poem
by bailey mae
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello, bailey mae . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely. *Peace2*

*Jackolantern* Title, Hook, and Formatting: The title and first line proved to be great hooks. They had my attention straight away and held it throughout the poem.

*Jackolantern* Best Bits: I love the imagery of the poem. You have a knack for saying things without bluntly saying them, which I appreciate as a reader. The idea of writing 'I love you' a hundred times over on the narrator's lips is great. My favorite line was, I want to trace it out for you on the edges of my fingertips{/c]. That was an eloquently written line. I would make fingertips one word instead of two though.

*Jackolantern* Possible Suggestions: I would work on the formatting a little bit by adding more line breaks. Something like:

You've written I love you
100 times over on my lips,
leading my heart like a cancer
that kills slowly with perfection.

I'm not giving any thought...

You get the picture. It will just read more smoothly if we have physical line breaks instead of the reader having to decide what rhythm they should have while reading.

*Jackolantern* Summary: I enjoyed reading your poem and seeing the different imagery that you used. I would suggest working with the formatting a bit more. Thanks again for sharing!

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