Hi Penwrath,
This is a wonderful story. The tone starts off light and full of hope and then plummets. This gives the reader jolt. The reader is delighted by this story and wants to read it until the end. The plot is straight forward and moves along logically. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt as to what is going on here. The characters are vivid and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is vivid and puts the reader all the way into the story. The story is well structured and consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.