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Review #4047500
Viewing a review of:
 
Winter Break  [GC]
Jill is recovering from a broken relationship when she runs into her and old friend
by Vixey Todd
Review of Winter Break  
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: GC | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Vixey Todd ,

I'm reviewing as a judge for "Invalid Item" . Thanks for entering my contest.

This is a romantic and steamy about Jill and Luke getting back together.I like that it's written from her point of view because it gives an opportunity to your readers to see her heart-break, and the vulnerability that comes after a heart-break. Lucky for her, she met Luke who cared for her.

The ending wasn't clear: did she maintain a relationship with Luke or did they just keep meeting on breaks without strings attached?

My suggestion is that yo could make the erotic part a bit longer by adding what Jill felt and thought. In the example below, the blue part is the one I added:
As his tongue dipped inside her, waves of pleasure tore through her and brought her to another orgasm.
Don't forget the other details that happen to the body during sex. Those will make the scene longer as well.

For item type, you could also replace other with short story. I noticed that apostrophes in words such as couldn't and she'd were replaced with another sign. That's something to edit.

I enjoyed this story. Keep writing and entering the contest.

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