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Review #4056921
Viewing a review of:
 London Winter  [E]
My take on the London winter
by KittyMod
Review of London Winter  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hello, KittyMod . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely. *Peace2*

*Beakerr* General Impressions: A nice outlook on a London winter. It sounds quite a bit like an American winter. I'll be waiting for the warm embrace of summer as well. *Laugh*

*Beakerb* Best Parts: You had some great lines that evoked crisp imagery. I specifically liked season's icy breath. That was nice poetic wording. I also liked the last line where you referred to summer as a missing lover. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this because most people I know miss summer during winter.

*Beakero* Possible Suggestions: I felt like the spacing was a little bit off. I would suggest more line breaks:

The season is a-changing,
the winter is approaching
accompanied by the changing of
the colour and season's icy breath.

I think it creates a smoother flow for the reader when there are more line breaks, especially if you watch where you put them. I didn't quite like the repetition of 'changing' in the first and second lines. I might recommend finding a synonym to use for one of those. I like the last line, but it almost seems like a misplaced modifier. Are you like a missing lover or is summer like a missing lover? As it's written now, it looks like you're talking about yourself as the missing lover, but I believe you're referring to summer when you say this. You may want to rework that line to display that idea more clearly.

*Beakerv* Summary: I think you've used a lot of nice imagery that will remind the reader of their own experiences with winter. I would suggest an edit on line breaks and a possible edit on some of the lines. Thanks again for sharing with us!

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