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Review #4056941
Viewing a review of:
 Inner storm  [E]
A fight compared to the oceans and words that stabbed each other which can't be taken back
by amethyst
Review of Inner storm  
Review by Charlie ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello, amethyst . My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely. *Peace2*

*Beakerr* General Impressions: I read your poem because I knew I'd be able to relate to the topic of words said in anger hurting people. I think it's easy to say things we don't mean or say things in a way we don't mean when we aren't thinking clearly during an argument.

*Beakerb* Best Parts: I loved some of the phrasing you used. The fifth line about the tide of it all throwing itself in and off the shores of their hearts was particularly poetically written. I think that was probably the strongest line in the poem. There were other lines that created a vivid imagery as well. I liked the idea of two storms meeting and the result being a duel of words as both parties vent their frustrations.

Everyone can relate to feeling bad about things they've said or about things others have said to them. It's important to calm down before saying something you don't really mean. The idea of searching for calmer seas of happy memories was great.

*Beakero* Possible Suggestions: This poem could really do with some punctuation. It will help the reader know when to pause and create a smoother flow overall. I noticed that certain lines were capitalized while others weren't, but the lack of punctuation just makes it look and read weird. I'd also suggest watching the repetition of certain words. If you talk about happy memories in one line, try to think of a way to reword it or use a synonym if you need to use it again a few lines later. There are so many words, it seems like a waste to use the same ones frequently within the same poem.

*Beakerv* Summary: I liked the overall idea and lesson behind your poem. I think you did a good job of portraying what it feels like to say things in haste without thinking. There may be room for improvement with a grammar/punctuation edit. Thanks again for sharing with us!

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 11/12/2014 @ 11:19am EST
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