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Review #4059739
Viewing a review of:
 Meeting You  [E]
About love and leaving.
by Arabelle B. Wolfe
Review of Meeting You  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello there, Newbie! Welcome to WDC. *Starfishp*
This is a Simply Positive Review.

*Scallopv* Your poem aptly describes a relationship that starts off with a brilliant light shining on it and then begins the fade to black.

The only thing left is the memories of what could have been and what was before. There are always questions and doubts about the viability of a relationship and who ends it and was it too soon or too late. It's always more bitter when it is dragged out and this ends too late. The emotions need more time to recoup. *Recycle*

Observations

*Bulletr* This was a free verse poem, thus there was no specific form or rhyme noticed. However, free verse does need to have some melodious flow or rhythmic cadre to it to keep the reader involved and a part of the imagery or scene.

"Meeting you was like going to the pool with my clothes on,"

This is your opening line. It could use a little more impact to grab the reader's attention.

Try:
thoughts of you tease the heart, torture the soul,
making me fall fully-clothed into a heated pool

*Pin* This is just a quick example of adding impact and a little depth to capture the reader's attention and letting the mind's eye paint vivid picture.

*Wand* There are a few more places that could use a little better choice of words to bring out the images. This was merely one example of adding some rhythmic melody to your lines. You repeat "slowly" twice within two lines. The word "steadily" could fit into one of them neatly, bringing a bit of alliteration to the line.

I hope this has been a little helpful. *Smile*

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch



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