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Review #4070754
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Review by Charlie ~
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Hello, miguelscott. My name is Charlie and I'm happy to welcome you to the site with a review today. If you have any questions or need help navigating the site, feel free to email me. Keep in mind that the following is just one reader's opinion. I am not a professional and you know your writing best. If you find something helpful here, use it. If you don't, feel free to disregard this review completely. *Snow1*

*Ornament2r* General Impressions: This is a fairly dark poem discussing the state of society and the potential deity to point the finger at for its cause. It talks about how caged we are, even though we claim to be free. There are social niceties and things that are unacceptable as well. We don't hold onto our ambitions because they seem unrealistic and we have needs that require us to live our lives in an 'aloof' way.

*Ornament1g* Best Parts: My favorite stanza in the poem was the third:

We say we are free but tend to conform,
Hand you a noose if you're out of the norm,

This one portrays the meaning of the poem and lays it all out on the table. We're told to be a certain way and are basically doomed if we don't fall in line and accept the socially accepted way of living life.

*Ornament3r* Possible Suggestions: The alliteration in the first two lines was a bit much, in my opinion. It's the hook for the poem and, while some alliteration is okay, the three per line there totally twisted me up as I was trying to get into the poem. The first line almost had even more with the two d's in "indeed". dark days dreadful indeed started sounding like a Dr. Seuss book for a second. *Pthb*

*Ornament4g* Summary: Overall, I think you did a good job of conveying a point in your poem. The flow was smooth and easy to read. The only issue I had was with al the alliteration in the beginning Thanks again for sharing with us!

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