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 Review #4086417 |
 | Edmund and the Dwarf Treasure  [13+] A fable about searching for the things that really matter. . .  |
| (4.5)| Hello Wierdone, I am reviewing your story as part of my week 11 entry to I write.      1. Title The title definitely fits the story as this one is all about Edmund getting Dwarf Treasure. 2. Syntax Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are correct with one exception. The following line: "He can could climb to the top of Mt. Snifflesnaff and bring us back some of the flame from that volcano," said Dimu. You need to remove either can, or could in the beginning of the sentence. Other than that, I found no odd or forced sentences, or phrases in the story. Diction and dialect seems consistent. 3.{/b Plot and Hook The plot is very straight forward. Edmund is seeking out Dwarf Treasure so he can give it to the girl he thinks he is in love with. He goes on an adventure seeking that treasure. The hook, there actually may be two hooks to this one. I'm not going to tell! One hook takes place when he actually finds three dwarfs. What's this...? He has to prove himself worthy in order to get that treasure. Over all, this is a good story. I do believe the storyline has been played out before, but you give us a new cast of actors, and new circumstances to go with it. Good job. Remember, these are simply my opinions and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 02/16/2015 @ 12:03am EST