Hi, I'm Bikerider , a judge for "Invalid Item" I have read your entry, "Three Eggs for the Dragon"  and I offer this review for your consideration. I hope you find my comments helpful.

Story: It is not always easy for a writer to submit work to be read and critiqued by others, but I'm glad you submitted this well written story.

Some things I especially liked:

The smile of content on his lips makes me realise that I would trade the world for as few as half of that smile. “I have.” He approaches me closer and traps my face between his hands, his eyes stare at me intensely. The visual here is very well done. I would suggest this change: I would trade the world for as little as half that smile.

Pleased with the intention, yet entertained by its futility, he chuckles. “Leave the world to the great ones,” he says, clearly meaning himself as I wonder exactly how I can be of use to him. The reader learns a lot with this sentence. It shows Viserys Targaryen's attitude, his place in the story, and his feelings of being much more than those who serve him. This is very well done.


Character: All the characters are portrayed well, but very little is shown about the character that obtains the eggs. A female, one who cherishes her king, and is willing to do whatever it takes to please. But I would have liked to be able to 'see' her, know something about her.

Dialogue:The dialogue is exceptionally well done. The speaker's words fit the time period and the scene location. Dialogue is used to give your reader important information in an interesting way, and to move the story forward. The dialogue used here accomplished both of those requirement. The phrasing and words used are appropriate for the story and its setting.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling: I saw no errors that detracted from the story.

Comments: This is an unusual piece, richly described, emotions easily seen, and filled with intrigue. I don't usually read works like this one, but I enjoyed reading this. It kept my interest from start to finish.

Nicely done, great writing!







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .