Hi, Ann! Sorry that I haven't read your emails yet, love. Last night, I was too tired to do anything on here, and today, I've been trying to spend some time doing reviews, judging contests, and all of that sort of thing. You know, stuff I was supposed to do weeks ago, most likely?

Anyway, I'm judging "Invalid Item"  for Round 68 and thought I should give everyone some quick feedback on their aubades!

Favorite Aspects

The sentiment in this piece is lovely. So far, it is the most romantic of the bunch. There is a distinct tenderness that come across crystal clear. It's emotive enough to be touching without getting gushy and sappy, which I appreciate.

Language / Word Choice

To be honest, love... the first two lines sounded like a horror intro. Like, a sentient sun sought out his eyes, burned them from the sockets, and then made his heart explode. You know that I love horror, so perhaps it is just my perception. Still though, 'explodes' and 'blinding' when combined with the sun 'finding its path' (which implies seeking out his eyes)... it all combines into a bit of a violent intro to a sweet and gentle piece. I might consider tweaking the word choice a little bit.

Effect

That's all I have to say for now I think. The piece is sweet and romantic. It fits the poetry form well and has some really strong moments. It was just the first two lines that struck me as strange. Good luck with the contest! You know I love you, but I don't play favorites.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .