Review of

STATIC

The Murder at Nine O'clock  (13+) The inspector must solve this mystery #2024709 by ~ IVELTAC ~

Hello,~ IVELTAC ~

I'm Bikerider and I am reviewing your item for "King's Landing updating " 




I'm a retired police officer, so when I saw the title of your story I had to take a look. I'm glad I did. You have written an informative short story about something that occurs much too often in America, and because of that, and your writing style, you have given your readers a timely story to read. Well done!




It is always preferable that you not use the same word too often, especially in the same sentence or paragraph. Here's an example of what I mean.

You wrote: Driving in the city of Chicago at night was difficult which made it harder for Ben to drive. Ben turned off the highway to a Chinese restaurant. Instead of saying Ben a second time, try using 'he' instead. The reader will still know who you're talking about.

There are a number of punctuation and grammar errors in this story that can easily be repaired.




As I mentioned above, I am a retired police officer. I found your story interesting, and you did a good job describing how the inspector caught the murderer; throwing a plant pot at the murderer and incapacitating him. It is not easy to write a good, solid, action scene, but you did it well here. I felt like I was standing on the sidewalk watching the inspector throwing the flower pot. I could picture the murderer laying on the sidewalk, dazed.

You did a good job with this short story. I suggest you go back and give it a thorough edit. After you do, please let me know, I'd like to read it again.

Keep writing.

Bikerider

My review has been entered in Good Deeds Get Cash!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .