Review of

STATIC

Thanks! What Is It?  (E) Short story based off of a writing prompt about receiving terrible gifts #1972281 by Charlie ~

Hello,Charlie ~

I'm Bikerider and I am reviewing your item for "King's Landing updating "  I hope you find my comments helpful.




Because this is a story about a family and a reader would assume the family members get along, a reason is needed to show why Natalie is not close to the other family members, and you did a great job showing that. Here is an example where everything is explained.

Even living within ten miles of her parents and sisters, she only saw them every few months for a quick dinner. She couldn't relate to them at all, about anything, which was something that plagued her childhood. Her sisters were a year apart while she was four years behind the youngest one. They didn’t really need her to hang out with as kids. Her parents had begin taking expensive trips and talking about what wines paired with what cheeses since she left home for college. They were finally free, both physically and financially.

Suggestions

None. There are no punctuation, grammar, or spelling errors.

Comments

It is very common for men who are now recently retired to take an interest in history, and especially World War II. So this sentence really struck me as real: Leah figured a book about World War II was perfect for her history buff of a father.

At first I thought this was a sad story, and in many ways it is. But the reality of the story, for me, is this; Leah was being ignored by her family members, and she couldn't compete with the travel and gifts the others experienced. But she was the one with a stable life. She had a boyfriend she cared enough about that she looked forward to have dinner with him and his family. She only visited her own family occasionally. If you hadn't put a little bit about Leah's happy life, this story would have missed something important. But you added enough, without going overboard, to show that underneath all the bull going on in her family, she was the happy one.

Good job with showing emotions in this story.

Keep writing.

Bikerider

** Image ID #2044595 Unavailable **

My review has been entered in Good Deeds Get Cash!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .