Review of {bitem:}

Hello,

I'm Bikerider and I am reviewing your item for "King's Landing updating "  I hope you find my comments helpful.




Writing humor is difficult, especially when you consider that people's senses of humor differ as much as their finger prints do. But you have done a good job with this. Dr. Dimmit is an exasperating customer, but I saw the humor in his responses to the salesman.

I thought Howard did a good job no losing his cool with Dr. Dimmit. He has the patience of a saint. As a character, I liked him. He remained professional, but I was waiting for him to get in a few digs of his own. It surprised me when he didn't.




I saw no grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors in this story. But I did notice one thing you might want to consider.

As written, the following sentence sounds as though the customer is long with gray hair. Placing a comma after the word long will give him long hair instead of making him long. But I did like the way you dressed the character, he must have looked like an explosion at a haberdashery shop.

Howard straightened his red polyester tie with navy polka dots and walked toward the long gray-haired man with black mustache in a green plaid outfit.



The title of this story intrigued me and caught my attention because at present I have been in the market for a new car. I have gone to a few dealerships and looked at a few models. I find the salesmen to be somewhat less than truthful in their attempts to sell a car, so as I read I wondered how it would go if I acted like Dr. Dimmit the next time I talk to a salesman. Would he sell cheap just to get me off the lot? (If I do it, I'll be certain to let you know.)

You did a good job with the humor in this story, even if it did drive Howard crazy.

Keep writing.

Bikerider

My review has been entered in Good Deeds Get Cash!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .