I really like this poem. I think you did a great job of showing the tumultuous emotion of one in pain. This is so beautiful it reached out and grabbed me and held on to me until the very end. The one thing I don't like and it really comes down to personal taste is the overuse of the ellipticals. I believe regular grammar can do the job and it makes more sense than to use ellipticals.

Other than this, I think this poem is perfect.

Keep up the great writing!!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **