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Review #4148663
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Review by Nixie
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Hi, Gabby!


After reading your biography and looking at your quirky picture, I couldn't imagine you undertaking such a serious topic. Appearances are deceiving, as they say. (Whoever they are.)

Overall Impression
I was surprised to find myself lost in your words, since most of this was narrative and told a common enough tale about a parent-less family living only to survive. But the straightforward approach, as seen through Lina's eyes attracted me. It was the first person approach that kept me reading.

Plot/Setting/Characters
The way you began this story, with such strong and wise observations alerted me to the fact that I was about to embark on a journey of great story telling.

The characters each have their own personalities and places within the family. I was touched by Lena's determination to ensure her younger sisters received an education. The description of them walking through the forest brought vivid images to my mind.

Although the story's topic is heavy, the tone is light, with a hint of sadness behind the words. Thinking about the ribbon from her mother, my heart went out to Lena, as she found value in small, tattered remembrances.

I really liked how you developed the personalities and childish conflicts between Kassia and Alina. I was vastly relieved when, even though they arrived late, there was no trouble from the school.

Then Fin pounced in and took the plot off into another direction as Lena remembered how they became friends. I can imagine what a generous offer came from Fin's mother, and how Lena was hesitant to accept the kindness.

Ludwik throws a wrench into the sedate story, with vague undertones of danger. Great job with the scene where all the kids unite to hear Ludwik's announcement. Of course, I tend to agree with everyone else. It feels as if Ludwik is throwing his life away, even though I
understand his motivations.

Jedrick was a bit of a mystery. If you mentioned his occupation, I missed it, and for that I apologize. Lena doesn't want to waken him in the morning, so I assumed he worked evenings.

A few observations
I was taken out of the story when Lena spoke directly to the reader about the Nazi patrols. I think you could accomplish the same affect by sticking with her observations. And, it might add some tension.

Since the story takes place in Poland, I expected more of a setting. Like the name of the forest, or the appearance of the houses. The picture created for the home life was clear, but a bit of cultural influence is something you might want to consider.

I realize the story is just beginning, and these are only some inconsequential observations.

Lingering thoughts
As the chapter closes, Lina wonders about her brother. I think the answer is a foregone conclusion. Most young men want to fight.

A final suggestion would be to add the bitem links to the next chapters in this story, so it's easy for the reader to click and continue reading. You've taken on an ambitious project, but it sounds like you have a handle on penning this piece. Great work!


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