%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4148848 |
 | Enthralled  [E] Just a little jotting!  |
| (4.5)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !  First Impressions: I could see a couple possible interpretations of this tale, both along the same lines. Assuming that you didn’t want the story to be taken literally, I could still accept the cell in which they were held captive as a physical prison while the two personalities were fighting for control how to deal with the situation; the weaker one that had been beaten into submission and the stronger one that wanted to fight his way out of the situation. Or perhaps there was no physical restraint and the fight was about control of the mind. Either way, the circumstances you were describing seemed to be about fear and courage, submission and resistance but also about how this wasn’t the first time this character found himself in this position and remembering how this different part of his personality had been in control before. The description of the cell could apply to either option above. There wasn’t much there except for darkness and cold and you gave the readers that image in a few words. More possibly would have given away too much about this story too early on, so to leave it at that worked well. The two characters, on the other hand, got a far more detailed description. I liked how you introduced one of them with the growl and the sound he made as he paced up and down. The descriptions were quite unique and although it wasn’t immediately clear to me what it was, it was enough to make me pay attention to the other descriptions because it was clear it wasn’t just a guy in a prison cell. The other character was the opposite, seemingly an actual person but perhaps more of a shadow of his former self and certainly no match for his fellow prisoner. Their dialogue seemed a little forced in places but then, it wasn’t a normal conversation and it suited the situation and the main speaker quite well.  Suggestions: The writing was excellent and I thought the way you varied the sentence structure to show the restless pacing of one character and the quiet resignation of the other was nicely done. There were a couple sentences that were perhaps a little long and might work better broken up into two, for example this one, The man chewed the interior of his cheek, how dry his mouth felt. There were a couple of times when you used “/” around words, like here, You surrendered, and to /what/? I assume you meant to put those words in italics, which you can achieve by either typing {i} before and {/i} after the word, or using the handy icons at the top of the item body when you edit the tale, which insert the same formatting for you.  Final Thoughts: The story was very intriguing and I enjoyed following the characters’ reasoning. As for the specifics, being a writer and taking the genre into account I could apply this to the process of writing, perhaps a conversation between a writer and his ‘muse’ or the attempt at overcoming writer’s block. When I was reading it became more and more apparent which way it was going to go at the end and the conclusion wasn’t a surprise, but the description of it was nicely done and the interesting part was to listen to the stronger personality’s arguments. Great work!    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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