Not a bad little start to a story about a love encounter with a college boy. You bring the reader into the moment and take her back to a time many, many years ago, when love was new and adventurous for a couple youths. Great way to make a reader connect to a story.

I got to understand the young woman's view of that sort of now or never attitude. It helped to push away the responsibilities that would surely follow the next day when they both needed to be back at class. The boy seemed to be a gentleman, as he asked her again how she felt about the situation, and wasn't pushy.

Observations:

"Lisa smiled because she knew she would always remember this moment,[I'd end this sentence here then start "It" ] didn't matter [if}they were in a dingy flat or that they had a 9am lecture the next day,"

I think this story could be fleshed out a bit more, with some back story, and character
development. Readers want to know:

What was her life like before college?
Why is it she had this encounter, after only having kissed one boy ever?
Did she really know herself, her feelings, with such little experience?

When a story leaves a reader asking many questions, it means a little more development is necessary. And, since there is no word count limit attached to it for a contest, I think lengthening the story, and answering the probable questions floating around a reader's mind, would be a good thing to do.

Otherwise, a fine start to what could become a very good story.

It's totally up to you, but you have your Title/Intro, rating set to Non-E, which means it won't be publicly posted to anybody without GC+ enabled, for content of items. There is nothing Non-E in either the title or brief description at this time. But, as I said, this is totally up to you if you want to change it. Members may keep their items rated higher than needed, they just can't rate them lower than required.

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

You responded to this review 08/28/2015 @ 8:14am EDT

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