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Review #4192549
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of The Beer Run  
Review by Happyfingers
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Michael,

I'm reviewing The Beer Run for

The Simply Positive Group


FIRST IMPRESSION IN THREE WORDS:

Simple, Classic, Entertaining


What I thought while reading your story:

The first sentence got me in. Poor old man. Married to a woman for a long time (I assume) who made all his decisions. Was that because he was indecisive by nature or his decision making was taken away from him at the beginning of their marriage?

So he’s driving late at night, to go to a store twenty-five miles from home, by his wife’s request. Wonder what she wanted so urgently that couldn’t wait until the next day?

He knows his driving days are coming to a close; harder diving in the dark, slower reaction, and again, renewing his driver’s license is in the hands of wife. Here, I think, she wouldn’t benefit much if he couldn’t drive as she couldn’t send him off on these trips.

Took medicine, then worried if he didn’t hurry his wife would worry.

He decided to fill up the tank and needed to go to the bathroom. A beer sign at the station reminded him of his drinking days, jail and damnation.

Religion and his wife’s love and determination had saved him from an earlier death. – It is here in the story that I realize I’m relaxed, enjoying the read, and like your writing style. It’s not a new story, but the simple way you write, without the unnecessary adverbs an adjectives, is linear (not fogged up with flashbacks) and entertaining, the way a short story should be.

Still lured by the idea of a beer, he replaces the urge with a snack, also on the list of no-no's then perishes that thought.

There seems to be a health issue, maybe suspected prostate cancer? It’s interesting he can’t win. He would be risking some serious abuse if she found out he was keeping things from her. And she would give him hell if he told her and it turned out to be nothing. And if it was cancer, well, he’d die either way.

The path of indecision continues as he walks to the pump to gas up. He decides a beer would be good and goes back to the station. There, he meets a bullet head on, abruptly ending his life by a meth-powered psychopath. Another one kills the clerk. They yell out it was the best beer run ever and drive away.

This is great story telling. I can’t tell you how time I’ve spent looking for a story like yours. It’s a classic, loaded with nuances and irony, and it doesn’t tax my thinking trying to figure out how or why. By keeping it simple, with less description, the impact is stronger.



SUGGESTIONS?

Two questions: What was he supposed to pick up at the store for his wife, and why couldn’t it wait until the next day?

Punctuation by Grammarly: (Easy to fix) This does not affect your rating.

be worried soon and that was not - missing a comma before the coordinating conjunction and in a compound sentence. Consider adding a comma.

her fierce love and determination, - a series of three or more words, phrases, or clauses. Consider inserting a comma to separate the elements. (comma after love

getting old, he thought again. - two independent clauses improperly joined with a comma. Consider correcting the comma splice. – replace a comma with a semi colon.

He could die either way - two independent clauses improperly joined with a comma. Consider correcting the comma splice. – semi colon after way

snacks again, but knew his wife - unnecessary comma in a compound predicate. Consider removing it.

Besides, he was thirsty and - missing a comma before the coordinating conjunction and in a compound sentence. Consider adding a comma.

Inside the Mini-Mart he - missing a comma after the introductory phrase Inside the Mini-Mart. Consider adding a comma.


OVERALL FEELINGS AND IMPRESSIONS:

Wonderful, simple, classic short story.



Cheers,



Happyfingers


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