Hello Dragon is hiding,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


I was with the narrator at the beginning; I wouldn’t have taken a phone call like that seriously either. She stayed quite calm considering that the caller knew so much about her, and it was probably a smart move to let her mother deal with it. Interesting that she didn’t know anything about how her mother practiced or learned about her beliefs, that it was all a surprise to her. The story took a bit of a sinister turn when Dave wouldn’t leave her alone, and found her even when she did her best to hide from him. Just at the right time, she remembered what her mother had told her, and it seemed quite believable that she would at least want to check it out even if must have been very strange.

It seemed that by the end of the story, she wasn’t sure if she was going to believe or not. Perhaps her journey had only just started and although she felt safe, she had just been introduced to the idea and hadn’t had much chance to form an opinion about it.

The story was fast-paced, especially in the middle part where Dave was harassing her. It was interesting that the beginning and the ending, when the story was more about faith, were calmer and more introspective. It worked well to show the contrast. The dialogue sounded natural, especially at the beginning, and I could imagine the young woman having that conversation with her mother. But also the part with Dave came across well, and you showed his persistent and unreasonable nature well through his words. I wasn’t sure about the significance of the instruction, “do not look back at Dave” and I expected the story to come back to that, but it didn’t happen.

I struggled a little to imagine the setting. Especially towards the end, when she arrived in Australia, I would have expected her to talk a little about what she saw. It wouldn’t have to be a lengthy paragraph; just a few lines to describe the scene would have been sufficient. I noticed a few small errors, but overall, the story was quite polished and I enjoyed the read.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .