Hello! I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Favorite Aspects

This has a very stream-of-consciousness vibe to it which I don't generally like in poetry, but it gives this piece sort of a dreamy and wistful quality. Nicely done.

Language / Word Choice

The word choice is one of the reasons why the stream-of-consciousness vibe is working here. You still managed to get some words in here that seem thoughtful, deliberate, and creative.

There are some words that just seem like filler though... the most obvious choice and therefore uninteresting. "The sea's tale of woe"? That is cliche. "Not a soul in sight" is definitely a cliche. A kiss that's "tender"... another place where the word is just expected. So there is room for improvement here.

Effect

The flow is okay but could be a bit more interesting rhythmically. The imagery is pretty good. The tone works very well, though the first stanza doesn't paint "dismal and lonely" as well as the second paints "happy and sunny", so the contrast between the good days and the darker days could have been stronger. The piece could also use a thorough edit just for grammar and punctuation (note the double comma on the "the sea awakens" line as well). I would also consider changing the structure of your lines a bit in that second stanza so that every line doesn't have a pause or stop. It gets a wee bit tedious to read a few words, comma, a few words, comma. More variety there could be helpful for the flow. Overall though, it's a decent entry! Thanks for entering!




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .