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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4236584
Review #4236584
Viewing a review of:
 
August.   [ASR]
Home is as alive and dead as the smell of the clothes in the cupboard.
by sindbad
Review of August.  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Plot/story elements:

Did I feel attached to the story or poem?

I felt a little distance from it. I think it's because I didn't fully understand the purpose. I understand the house was dark and got the feeling it was disturbed. I wonder what this was a contest entry for and was it brief on purpose?

Would I recommend this piece of writing to someone else?

I feel like I need to feel it's purpose. You wrote some beautiful lines like a fragrance fills the air, naked and fresh.. And the sky looks anxious.. Those lines evoked strong emotion from me because they seemed beautiful and vulnerable at the same time.

Was there a clear purpose to it?

I guess this where I felt lost. I didn't get the purpose. Did the house create the anxiety and dread or did the environment of the house create it? And then, I thought I wanted to read further to find out why it's relevant.


*StarStruck* Glows:

The vivid descriptions of the environment definitely create anxiety, dread, and overall sense of creepiness, especially when you describe the contents of the room.



*Vine1* Grows:

I addressed these in the purpose section. For example, I didn't get the line about the doorknobs. Is it a hidden room? I gather the clothes are still there but the bodies that wore them are long gone. I'd like to know more about its purpose to understand the relevance of the house.



*Dialog* Miscellaneous Comments:


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~Tsa~ House of Greyjoy





   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/12/2016 @ 3:14pm EDT
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