The Japanese Surrendered

War is hell. Especially World War. It took decades to reach this point, but everyone knew it was coming. One day, the sky opened up. White death rained down. There were so many deaths that there was nothing for the mass grave. But something happened. After the war, The Japanese surrendered. Then came the American nurses.
They moved throughout the nation, ministering to men, women and children from disparate regions. The Japanese men were lascivious.
"Without these blonde bombshells, how can I live?" one said. Japanese wives were left at the altar. Japanese prom queens went home alone. There were Japanese women all over the place, without a hand to touch them.
But these American nurses couldn't get the Japanese men to stop placing their jackets over puddles every five minutes.
The emperor of Japan was incensed.
"Blonde bombshell? What is that?" he would say.
He quickly made it illegal for anybody to flirt, with anybody. Anyone who violated this principle would be shot on site, without the advantage of having a trial first. Many soldiers were conscripted to enforce the new law. But alas, they were often so busy flirting with the nurses themselves that the law became difficult to enforce.
The Japanese emperor wised up and conscripted Japanese wives whose husbands had left them for Blonde nurses. They were mean, lean, and full of sheen.
One day, Mr. Jakoichi was at a local diner, trying to get himself something to eat. Ms. Tauojaio, the local hostess, greeted him with a...erm, frown. Not knowing what to do, Jakoichi frowned back and turned his face to the side.
"What do you want, Donkey?" said Tauojaio, a hand on her hip.
"Would it kill you to please, for the love of God, give me a sausage and some hash browns?"
"I would if you'd stop staring at my breasts!"
"Breasts? You call those breasts? I've got bigger breasts than that, and I don't even swim."
"Excellent form, Herr Ubermensch. Will that be all? Or would you like me to dig up the sewer so that your breath doesn't feel lonely."
"You continue to speak, woman, but I'm not impressed. Now give me my sausage and hash browns and..."
Just then, a sausage hit Jakoichi square on the temple. He picked it up off the counter with his thumb and index finger and began to eat it, grease dripping down the side of his face.
"Do you always eat like an animal, or are you on hiatus today?"
"Look, hostess, I think you're mistaken. I like my sausage aged and weathered. You forgot the hash browns..."
Then, two hash browns struck him in the forehead. He picked up the pieces and began to eat them. But his throat was parched.
"Want something to drink, Herr Doctor?"
"Nope. Still not 'drinking the Lactaid.'"
"Good. Because we don't serve troglodytes here. Doctor's orders!"
"Yeah, well you...I'm sorry. I though I was talking to a lady. My apologies."
"Takes one to know one."
"Doggie bag?"