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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4236648
Review #4236648
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Kit
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Survivor48 ,

This review is a part of "Game of Thrones [13+]. *Smile*

Overall Impression:

This is a good poem, with a good message. You are right - society demands us all to be perfect. More than perfect sometimes - even the most beautiful models are airbrushed, telling us all that we will never, ever be good enough. Yet, perfection is impossible - both outward perfection and inward perfection. All we can do is try to be the best person we can possibly be.

You express this very well, using nice wording. I found it easy to catch on to your message, and to the rhythm and flow of your poem.

Suggestions:

I do have some suggestions, dear author. I hope that you will find them helpful!

Stanza 5:

*Snow2* As wrong acts continues to thrive

I think that "continues" should be "continue".

Stanza 7:

*Snow2* Striving to be finest person is enough

Striving to be the finest person is enough, perhaps?

General Suggestion:

I like your use of punctuation. It assists the reader in picking up the rhythm and flow of the piece, and aids the overall clarity. To perfect this, I suggest allowing the capitalisation at the beginning of each line to depend on the individual sentences within the piece.

My Rating:

This is a good poem, with a good message. I was glad to read it.

I did have some suggestions. Therefore, I will give this item a rating of 4 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work, and write on!

Kit

House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.


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