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Review #4237609
Viewing a review of:
First love  [E]
It bites...
by Tiger Cub 🔱
Review of First love  
Review by Shaye
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Tiger Cub 🔱 ,

I am Lorraine and I am reviewing your piece "First love"  today in affiliation with "Simply Positive Review Forum " .

Title: Well, I guess this is the character's first love. Only love? The only thing I'd suggest is to capitalise both words, so it reads, "First Love". It's not exactly the most unique title. I'd have maybe gone with something like "Small Love" or something that hints at the plot, but doesn't give it away.

First Impression: Well, at first I was confused. *Laugh* I'd gotten to "No job, no sugar" and I was just sat there wondering what was going on. Why was sugar important? Why did she have black eyes? I got my answer! Very unexpected.

Plot: This is a 100 word flash fiction, and yet you've somehow managed to weave an actual story in here. Very well done.

Characterisation: Besides my logical, reasoning brain screaming at me to do research about ants and their ability to love and if their brain had the necessary functions, I loved this. I managed to quiet that side down and tell it this was just a story... Although I might still go and research it.

Setting: We understand that it's a garden with plants due to the very key plot point about the kid with water. This is one of the important things about this story. It might not make as much sense, or work as well as it did, if it was in many other places.

Spelling/Grammar: No errors spotted.

Closing Thoughts: Thanks for the very entertaining read. Didn't quite expect that twist, so thank you for surprising me. Congratulations on your win in the contest as well.

Lorraine


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Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were going to do anyway! Robert Downey Jr.


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