Hi Thesilentowl ,I found your writing ad random. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit.


On Title/Subject
The title is somewhat confusing since it ends where you enter the estate.

General impressions
The story has potential for a longer story. Although the ending doesn't suffice for a first chapter, please write a few lines to make this a piece that can stands on its own? You change from past tense to present tense throughout the story. That is a bit confusing.

Favorite Parts
What worked for me?

I peered through the rain splattered glass, the light pattering allowing me to recollect why I was in a limo being driven by a chauffeur that I hadn't hired. It was hard to imagine, that I of all people, had been invited to spend however long a time I want at the largest mansion in all of the United States. And for what? No reason, I was simply invited, nobody told me what criteria I had met, but I most certainly knew it not to be because of my education, or my job.The man at the wheel alerts me that in a minute we would be there, at the estate.

It is the setting of the story and the motive for the presence of the main character in the limo. It also hold a little suspense to what is coming. It draws the reader in.


Suggestions
Could you choose between past or present tense in this writing. The story seems not finished and I am not only talking about it being the first chapter. A punchline at the end would benefit the story, now it seems to die a natural death.

Final thoughts
All in all a nice and interesting beginning, but that isn't followed through.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive