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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4240019
Review #4240019
Viewing a review of:
 Ariadne's Thread  [E]
I used this in "Seeking Hyde," attributing it to "The Lost Cinquains" of Arpad Laszlo.
by Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈
Review of Ariadne's Thread  
Review by Kit
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 ,

This review is a part of "Game of Thrones [13+]. *Smile*

Overall Impression:

Another lovely poem, dear Max. I really think you should write more poetry. Everything I have read of your poetic work thus far has been excellent. This is no exception.

It's a short form, but it packs a great visual and emotional punch. It is easy to picture two people, lost and lonely, finding something special in a world of chaos and horror, through their hope, and loyalty and honesty... weaving something beautiful that shines against the darkness that surrounds them.

On the technical side of things, this poem reads well. It has an easy rhythm and flow. Once more, I like that you offered an explanation of the form used - always helpful.

Suggestions:

This poem consists of a single sentence. I would be tempted to reflect that by only starting the first line capitalised. I think that that would perfect the overall clarity and reading experience of the piece.

I would also be tempted to place the explanation to this poem underneath the piece. That way the poem is the immediate focus.

My Rating:

I thought that this was a beautiful poem. I was very happy to find it in your portfolio.

I did have a couple of suggestions, but those are more of a matter of personal preference. So, I will still give this item a rating of 5 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work, and write on!

Kit

House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/18/2016 @ 9:13pm EDT
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