Hello Dragon is hiding . I'm Charlie and I found your story on the "Invalid Item"  page. Thanks for sharing your writing with us. I hope this review finds you well.


Title/General Thoughts/Subject Matter: I thought this was interesting, though it went in a different direction than I thought it would based on the title and beginning of the story. I can definitely relate to this and understand why you feel the way you do. It's weird when something like that happens to someone we don't like and it's hard to think of what to say/do if anything because you're not close to begin with. Of course, "Tamara" is dealing with so much right now that you're not even on her radar. I'm sure she doesn't expect you to say anything or donate to the funeral costs. That's probably more for her friends/family.

What Worked: Reading the introduction for the GoFundMe page was interesting because we could learn a little bit about Tamara and her mother too. It sounds like they've all been through a lot, so hopefully people will be able to help out with the funeral costs. I agree with your mother that it would be a good time to make amends, but I disagree that it should be done in a fake way. If you can't honestly make amends from the genuine goodness of your heart, you shouldn't do it, especially not while the other person is grieving. Just reverse the roles and think of what you would want to happen.

Technical Issues/Suggestions: I didn't notice any technical issues in this, though I thought the pacing and storytelling was a bit odd. In the beginning, I thought it was going to be a story related to this trip, but it ended up being all about the GoFundMe page and this conversation with your mother. The beginning almost just feels like wasted words, although it does introduce the rainbow to the story, it doesn't really go anywhere else. Also, by the end, it feels like you're just directly talking to the reader like a blog entry. There's definitely a huge difference in style between the beginning and the end.

Final Thoughts: In closing, I thought this was interesting and I can see where you're coming from on why you feel the way you do. I think the style of the story is a little bit disjointed and could be improved in that area. Thanks again for sharing with us!


Best wishes,





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .