%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4244158 |
 | 10 Days of Spring  [E] Entries for the 10 Days of Spring Contest  |
| (4.0)| Review brought to you by: "Game of Thrones" by Gaby ~ Just tired  PLOT - A young priestess sits alone, waiting, watching as the magic of the crystals begins to move in streams that radiate light throughout the temple courtyard. SETTING - Really great vivid imagery in this from the beginning to the end. I could easily picture the rays of light beaming in different colors and playing off one another, off the walls. CHARACTERS - Your young priestess, the anticipation of seeing the magic of the crystals keeps her still in the back while she watches with wonder. GRAMMAR/SPELLING/DIALOGUE - I found no errors. However, you used the word 'within' three times in the first paragraph alone which really stood out. Think about changing at least one of them to break it up so it isn't so noticeable. THOUGHTS - I liked the backstory about the Immortal Anastri. It filled in questions as to why the young priestess sat so still waiting for the crystals to reflect their perfect light in the temple. They say moonlight has a cleansing effect, as it played off the crystals that is what I felt you were going for. Good visuals of the light and the priestess. I wish there was more to this scene because you painted the picture so well. Good job capturing the scene and making it really stand out. Write on!  
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 07/26/2016 @ 4:01pm EDT