Hells bells, I have read about this wicked woman. Unbelievable what she did to all those children. She is the definition of pure evil.

Your story brings the reader through the dark alleys of Barcelona, in Spain, where poverty exist in one area of town and beggars are present, and opulence in another part where high society thrives. This woman did her deeds almost unnoticed for many years. Thankfully captured, but the horrors remained behind.



Observations:

A few people starred at her, some whispered behind their hands. stared

The coachman sad sat in front, waiting.

When she ran out of supplies, she would open a heavy door and entered. Awkwardly stated.

TRY: She used her basement as a workspace, to replenish her supply of potions.

This takes away the awkwardness of running out of supplies and opening a heavy door and gives it a more active voice. I doubt the weight of the door matters in the impact on the reader. What does matter is why lies beyond the door, which is a room where she performs her atrocities upon children. Plus, you go on to describe the horrors within the room. Forget the door, get her to the basement where her murderous deeds are done.


This is one of those truth is stranger and uglier than fiction stories, as it is based on an actual case in early 1900s Spain. So many young lives were cruelly ended at the hands of this female monster, who also was dubbed The Vampiress of Barcelona."

You responded to this review 08/29/2016 @ 2:28pm EDT

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