Hello, BlueMoon

What I liked

I liked the conflict between Ronald and Kate. Some of the things they said were very funny. The implied ending was strong.

What might need work

In dialogue, the name of the person addressed must always be separated from what's said to them by a comma. So...

'’Oh my Ronald, do you think it’s safe to go out?’’ -> my, Ronald. Do you...

‘’But, but Ronald-‘’ B-but, Ronald- - stuttering is usually shown by the repetition of the first letter of the word, joined to the word by a hyphen. It's a stylistic standard. Y-yes, D-don't, W-what

‘’No buts Kate!’’ -> No buts, Kate

‘’I don’t know how much longer I can take being in here. I think I’m -> at this point, we'd get a much clearer hint of Kate's mental state if you could show us how long they've already been there. I mean, if she complained, "we've been down here two months already," we'd be sympathetic with her, but if instead Ron said, "It's only been two hours!" then we'd feel she was a drama queen. The context is important to our understanding.

Didn’t you refer to me as ‘’the rock’’ before -> when you have speech within speech, you always change the style of speech marks. So, a Brit like me might write, 'Didn't you refer to me as ‘’the rock’’ before?' But, an American would write, "Didn’t you refer to me as ‘the rock’ before."

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob :D



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .