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Hi Anthony ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit.

On Title/Subject
Good title, but sabotage is only a very, very small part...maybe you would consider another sub title for this second chapter? Again interesting chapter of Sfi story.

General impressions
A lot of action scenes that were very well written. I was first a little confused about the different names of vessels but later on in the story it got explained.

Favorite Parts
Thing is, we didn’t lose the battle because of the Kegare or the fleet surrounding it. We lost because we didn’t know the Kegare was the only ship in battlefield. All the others were projections created by a space fighter class that we never seen before. Imahara had no intention to fight us, he lured the fleet in here, released a black-hole bomb from the Kegare, and then he jumped away, knowing it was too late for our forces to escape.
But if someone would activate the bomb while it was on the Kegare, the mini-black hole would rip the ship apart and close itself before the Coalition fleet gets here. I didn’t have to get close to Imahara, I just had to get near the bomb and blow it up while it was still inside the ship.
It’s great plan, if you ask me – aside from one tiny little thing. I had make sure the bomb blows up, thus I had to stay with it until it exploded. Synthia will mock me for eternity if I succeed by death, but I guess that’s how things go in here…

For me this was the necessary explanation to what was about to happen.

Suggestions
On grammar.
1.but I knew it will (would) take some time
2.I didn’t get this: that would fall apart at the very moment the Judge (?) attempts (attempted) to take off. Is the Judge short for the Invisible Judgment?
3.I will (would) never get used
4.how many time(s) did it take you
5.every time I have (had) failed a mission
6. MI=??
7.Synthia knew this is (was) the last reminder ..and she struggles (struggled) to keep
8.but the MI will (would) never
9.this was nothing but a cheap excuse (lose the comma)
Question: I go in and kill him: who is the him?
10.I guess(ed) Synthia didn’t want
11.I got the (the) Kegare rather fast (lose ‘the”)
12.the casualties we have (had) suffered
13.a space fighter class that we (had) never seen before
14.before the Coalition fleet gets (got) here
15.It’s (was) a great plan, if you ask (ed)
16.I had (to) make sure the bombs blows (blew) up
17.Synthia will (would) mock me
18.I(t) didn’t matter how fake
19. It’s (was) a good thing
20.I knew the admiral (?) Is this Imahara?
21.I knew there will (would) be some guards
22.none will (would) have a chance
23.they will (would) die anyway, just as I will (would)
24. this section of the ship will (would) be filled
25.I was sure I will (would) be blown
26. and I am (was) going to die anyway
27. I reached the aft (??) section
28.I was quite shocked when I (have) reached the room
29.Looks (Looked) like this is (was) my lucky day
30.the time has (had) come
31.Turning around, I (have) noticed
32.the next Michael won’t (wouldn’t) be me
33.exactly what (will) happen(ed)
34.The bomb haven’t (didn’t) blow (n) up
35.The enemy haven’t (didn’t) stop firing
36.What will (would) happen, will (would) I live again
37.or will (would) Synthia abandon me
38.If I live(d) again, I will (would) find out
*Look at the story again and make paragraphs….use blank lines to make more suspense
*Action and thought together…look at maybe italics for thought?
* AGAIN look at past tense.

Final thoughts
Great second chapter, I enjoyed reading it a lot. A lot of suspense. Great action scenes, nice pace. Looking forward to the rest of the story. Thanks for sharing.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive