There's a lot going on here, but I must confess I'm not quite sure what it is, or what it all adds up to.

It appears to be a account of a writer in the process of bringing her piece to life, but after three readings, I'm not sure if Conner is real, or part of the story. The fact that she deletes him at the end would suggest the latter interpretation, but in the meantime, you've put them through a variety of paces, which, again, are a bit confusing.

One thing that would help would be to actually have a specific moving present moment that carries the reader through the unfolding story, such as it is. Right now you collapse many scenes into abstract generalizations, without much effect. For instance:

During the first week, he created waves of extreme excitement, drawing her to him like a power surge before a blackout. Her breath-taking, adrenalin highs erupted from what they took from each other; giving remained elusive like an abandoned puppy.

It's hard to supply images and actions to such a passage, and the abandoned puppy simile does more to obscure than clarify. On the subject of decorative embellishments, the sentence that immediately follows, is instructive:

Somewhere in the background, her body sprouted moments of guilt, a niggling feeling like a tapeworm threading through her stomach.

Not only is it impossible to determine what you mean by this sentence, whenever you come to an image like the tapeworm, best to pass on by. When your language jumps out and calls attention to itself, you want it to be for something that makes the reader think, "Gosh, I wish I'd written that." If, instead, they exclaim YECHHH! you've probably missed your mark.

Here's another passage that would benefit from moving into the world of events and action. Right now, you're simply telling us about a situation, not showing us the situation:

He controlled her body with challenging commands while she dominated his mind like a masseuse. She sculpted his behavior; she molded him, smoothing the rough edges of arrogance while trying to knead in empathy.

My suggestion is that you temporarily jettison all the similes, internal monologues and other decorative language and come up with a no-frills narrative that consists of events as they occur, in the order that they occur. Action and dialogue. Call it a template, a framework, an outline—whatever. You need to ground your reader in what is actually happening. I like the way you seem to be jumping back and forth from the real world to the fictional one, but it needs to be for more than mere effect. What does she want (aside from returning to the best-seller list), and how does she think she will accomplish her goal? And what's in her way. You know... all that Plot–101 stuff.

You're trying something ambitious here. Take more care to bring the reader inside the universe you're creating and I think you will have stronger results.