Hello, Lady Elf

What I liked

I love anything where the word 'chocolate' comes into play. That's what attracted me to read this. I also like your presentation, with a font that resembles handwriting. Your story was really cute and even carried a moral, though it won't stop me eating chocolate. In fact, I think that when I grow up I aspire to be a chocolate troll and live in their chocolate hole and eat everyone's chocolate, just like they do!

What might need work

Please don't make any changes until the story poem contest is over, but here are a few thoughts.

He gurgled at me "are you Mrs. Smith,

For leave this house until we are done,

Eating your chocolate and having fun". - Since this is speech, you need to punctuate it accordingly. So, for example:

He gurgled at me, "Are you Mrs. Smith?

Please leave this house until we are done,

Eating your chocolate and having fun." - however, there's another issue with the speech marks at the end. You see, if each stanza is treated as a different paragraph of speech by the same speaker then technically only the last paragraph/stanza of the speech would have a closing speech mark. When speech goes over several paragraphs, the standard is to begin each paragraph of the speech with opening speech marks, but end each paragraph witout speech marks, except for the last paragraph, which has speech marks.

"Way hey hey, were the chocolate trolls, - we're

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .