Hello, Donya

What I liked

I loved the repetition in your poem, and the catchy rhythm it generated. I also like the reversal in your concluding line, that after saying so many things about hanging on to an obviously lost love you then express acceptance of that loss and surprise that you hung on for so long. I also liked the internal rhyme in the second line. Great stuff.

What might need work

I've got no big suggestions for improvement except to say that if you carefully examine your lines then you'll find a few places where you could strengthen the poetry. For example:

Tales you spun, telling of your fidelity to me. - if you wrote 'fables of your fidelity to me' then you'd bring in some nice alliteration.

Never, says I, will I fall in deep slumber,
To live the life of adventure with you. - a life of adventure doesn't really follow on from 'slumber', but if you wrote 'to life a life of fantasy with you' it would tie in better, though you'd have to change 'Of hope and dreams of fantasies come true' to something like 'Of promises of dreams come true.

Personally, I'd like to learn a little more about that 'wicked queen'. Is she a personification of the evil inherrent in the fariy brew, or is she a real person within the context of your story-poem?

Since you enjoy writing poetry, consider joining: "The Poet's Place "  and also think about possibly entering some other contests, like: "Invalid Item"  and "Invalid Item" 

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .