Hello, tempesttris

What I liked

Your poem is a fantastic coming of age piece. Everybody should be able to relate to what you've written, unless - of course - they have received their invitation to Camp Blood or Hogwarts. I loved how your theme flows from clear paragraph to paragraph, each sub-theme organised into its own stanza.

What might need work

Is there a reason you only use periods to end the final two stanzas?

If you're going to use an ellipsis, it's three dots long and using most computers you can get it by holding down "alt" and typing in sequence 0133.

Beware of overusing the word "that". Take this stanza, for example:

The boy who sacrifices for others in hopes that if he gives enough to people that they will love him and in the vain hope that the monster whispering that he is alone and that no one will ever see him for him will be muffled

There are five uses of "that" within one sentence here. As a rule of thumb, cover each "that" with your thumb and then read the line without it. If the line makes sense without that " that" then delete it. To be honest, I don't think you need any of the "that" in the above stanza. When writing a short poem, every word must carry its own weight, much more so than in prose, so if you want your rose buds to truly bloom, it's essential you prune away all the dead leaves and cut back the branches to the bare minimum to ensure that the focus of the whole plant is on the sublime beauty of those unfolding petals... if you catch my drift.

Since you enjoy writing poetry, consider joining: "The Poet's Place "  and also think about possibly entering some contests, like: "Invalid Item"  and "Invalid Item" 

Thank you for sharing!

Best wishes,

Bob



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .