Greetings, after reading aloud your lyric words; I offer my thoughts on the images I see, the vision I perceive, and the voice I've heard.

Overall: The poem is a lyric snapshot of putting away treasures while holding fast the recall of those treasures, well met in the Tanka form poem .

Reading aloud: The tanka form used has as its base a senryu, where I can see the two parts expressed in first and third lines as well as first and second followed by the third to show what is being done. The following two lines convey the image effectively of what the prior means.

I see but one slip in the syllable count the last line (8 syllables). Consider perhaps trading one of the words, either 'though' or 'will' with a descriptive of one of the actions in the final line, 'sigh' or 'kiss' and using enjambment to keep the two lines one flowing image.

I really like reading this poignant, real poem; will think of it as I put away the holiday trimmings. I wish you luck in the contest and ook forward to reading more of your work .


Write On
Kate
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .