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The Heartwood Tree
by TristenKozinski

Chapter 2

>>> House Rhasaud's, the northern great Archduchy, banners stood on every parapet filling the walls with an unending rank of black fabric.
This is not quite a sentence. Some adjustment will solve that the banners are the subject of the sentence:
>>> Banners stood on every parapet of House Rhasaud, the great northern Archduchy, filling the walls with unending ranks of black fabric.

>>> ...the stone sword weighing on his shoulders...
The sword has not been identified as being made of stone until later in this chapter. Perhaps another adjective for 'stone'?

>>> ...inhabitants or outlying villages and...
I would change this to: inhabitants 'of' outlying villages...

Important. You need to move this sentence:
>>> He could see Kuraba in the distance,...
To FOLLOW this phrase, that really should be a separate sentence:
>>> several miles still separated him from Kuraba and he had already walked seven days.
He could see the city from several miles, but not seven days before.

Like the descriptions of the city.

>>> ...hoping to prevent it from aggravating the dull headache that had ground at him for the last couple days.
Maybe this is a good place to insert the idea that a period of time is necessary for the effects of the sword to be felt. So Jura can carry the sword for this length of time. Otherwise I begin to question how he is not affected. (?)

>>> He spoke with one, gestured Jura way and then trailed the tall, blond man that rose back to Jura.
...'men around a fountain' suggests they are standing.
>>> He spoke with one, gestured towards Jura and then trailed the tall, blond man who walked back to Jura.
Also note that 'who' is more correct for referring to a person. 'That' is used for animals and things.

>>> Jura's stomach twisted again and he fought the urge to wrench the blade out of the smith's hands.
Part of the world-building facts about this sword is that it reacts to a potential threat with defensive emotional feelings impressed on the holder.

Like the descriptions of the inn and the food. Nice.

>>> ...it was then that he noticed it: a subtle, ugly scent on the air.
The smell is a powerful device, but not sure how or why it has become connected to the sword. A reason to keep reading...

susurration: a wonderful new word I had to look up.

>>> Like the unfurling of black wings, Jura felt the bandaged man's cold presence envelop him.
Images like this are part of your writing style.

>>> He could feel something shifting beneath the gauze on the bandaged man's hand, and could hear it chittering just beneath the din of ambient conversation.
Oh so creepy!

>>> ...then one of them went to put it in the fire and went just crazy!
The sword will not allow itself to be harmed. Extreme defensive reactions happen.

>>> "We can't break it; the damn thing isn't even metal, it's some kind of stone."
Now the material of the sword is known and it can be called a stone sword.

>>> "Do know of someplace safe and cheap for me to stay?"
"Do 'you' know of someplace safe and cheap for me to stay?"

>>> ...and other chores after that so return to me when you're done."
For smoother reading, add a comma after 'that'.

>>> He just hoped that the sword wouldn't spreads if effects in the course of one night.
After 'spreads' change 'if' to 'its'.
Ominous thought to end the chapter.

FINAL COMMENT: This chapter has lots of good action and descriptions. The growing effects of the sword are slowly revealed. Perhaps Jura can acknowledge his growing awareness of those effects. I need some clarification about why he is slower to feel the power of the sword. Is he slightly shielded to force him to hang onto it? All the dialogue sections flow nicely as well as the locations Jura moves through. I say, “Creepy good!” especially the bandaged man.
Best, Gale



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