Wow! This is a stunning vision of this specific day on the park. I so loved the first verse with its reference to astrology and the way you describe the setting and characters so vividly.

The free style suits the theme and it is effective how each verse flows seemlessly into each other as the scene unfolds. The only puzzlement for me was in the third verse, the last two lines. It seems to suggest the cholla is wearing shorts and a beard.

I really liked the evocative ending with the reference to beach and ice cream. I can imagine her craving as it is a bit cool for cold treats. Lovely.

Thanks for sharing your gift and vision! It has a gentle charming vibe as the young expecting couple have an outing. Wonderful conception.

You responded to this review 01/15/2017 @ 8:55pm EST

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