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This was a charming story of a youth celebrating her birthday with a little extra bonus thrown into one of her presents.

Clever plot line making the rabbit's foot magical but only to children. We adults couldn't handle all those wishes, we'd totally mess up society. Oh, wait -- isn't that what this little girl did?!!!

Quite humorous, indeed!

Observations:

"John thought thus this man must be a crackpot."

The lines below have Melissa's name misspelled or switched from two s's to one. It is important to choose a spelling and stick with it -- keeps readers from getting confused and wondering which spelling of the name would be best for their tastes. You are the author -- you get to choose, not us readers.
Melisa had passed by the door just in time to hear her mother mention her gifts.
&
“You want to know what my dad said? He said he bought me a lucky rabbit’s foot that gives you wishes!” exclaimed Melisa.
&
“Okay!” responded Melisa.
&
“I’m stuffed. Thanks mom,” Melisa said after finishing her dinner.
There are several more spots toward the end of the story with the second spelling of "Melissa."

Further Observations:

"If we just shut the door and wrapped them, she would get curios.” [curious]. The other spelling is an unusual or interesting object, thus curio cabinets are places to hold such objects.

"Her wish came true but rather then than happening the next day, it happened in ten minutes."

"It went on and the horror on Melissa’s parent’s face was indescribable." parents' because the narrator is talking about two parents, plural possessive.

As far as the story goes, I found it to be humorous and clever, and I would have rated it higher had it not had so many errors to slow me down in the reading of it. The multiple pauses I had to make because of the name changes back and forth and some grammatical errors, slowed down my reading pace of the story. You want your reader to get a full, uninterrupted picture of the characters and the scenes unfolding, without having to stop and check something that seems out of place several times throughout the item. The character's name is important, it helps the reader keep her straight and start to build an image of what she looks like, in the mind's eye. The switches make the reader go through a cool-down period that makes them appreciate the story a little less than they would if they were not so distracted.

Otherwise, I think this story has good humor, and with a little more editing, it will really stand out for the readers.

It has some hilarious moments that will haunt me each time there is a pouring of rain around me.

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

You responded to this review 05/02/2017 @ 4:34pm EDT

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