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 Review #4353252 |
| (4.0)| Review brought to you by: "Game of Thrones" by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation  OVERALL IMPRESSION - Good descriptions of her tied up and awaiting her fate. PLOT~ Caught up in the excitement of what's to come, a submissive dreams of her eventful collaring ceremony and what it could be like. She is awoken by her master and shocked to discover it was all a dream. She rushes to tell him everything, giving him additional ideas for how the night will go down. CHARACTER(S)~DESCRIPTION~ The princess, I was wondering if that's really her name or a pet name from her master. She's looking forward to the big event and even dreams about all that could happen, excitement dancing through her. Her Master who now has more ideas for what the night will entail. You touched upon her feelings but didn't go far enough to really pull your reader into the story itself. For instance, when he whispers in her ear that very first time, what does his voice sound like to her? You showed her reaction to it, but didn't give us a glimpse of its tenor and how that voice did things to her. Think of things like tone. If someone is yelling, you jump, or are startled, maybe a cringe as the harsh tone sends ice down your spine. Or speaking sweetly relaxing you, fills your heart, makes you smile. Just adding a few more elements as this story unfolds would really make it shine. DIALOG~ Mostly whispers that moved the story forward.   
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You responded to this review 08/26/2017 @ 8:20pm EDT