*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4355959
Review #4355959
Viewing a review of:
Wine, Baby  [13+]
A future husband and wife go on their first date.
by slowmotionsunset
Review of Wine, Baby  
Review by Cadie Laine
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, Cadie here reviewing on behalf of "Game of Thrones
I want to first welcome you to Writing.com (WDC). This is really great community to be a part of.

Overall Impressions~
You're written an interesting poem. The description makes me wonder what's going on? I had to spin this in my head a couple of times in order get it. A future husband and wife, they will be married in the future. This is a picture of their first date. I think that's how I am to understand what you've written.
With that in mind, here's what I don't understand. How a child comes from one glass of wine. It's like the characters drank too much and had a baby from the wine they drank. You describe the relationship after the baby is born then in the end feel that the child was a mistake. Maybe I've missed the meaning completely. Feel free to correct me.
I don't understand the story in your poem. It doesn't seem complete or it's missing pieces.

Conclusions~
You've got the beginnings of a good poem, I think it needs some tweaking. This was probably not a review you were expecting. I really mean you no harm in reviewing this.

Thank you for sharing, Keep writing.
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/25/2017 @ 7:10pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4355959